KSLogo.png

The KeysTone Statement

A sports, humor and entertainment blog right in the heart of Pittsburgh (and Pennsylvania).

Out-Of-Touch Pittsburgh Sports Fan Tries To Name The Current Yankees Roster, Fails Miserably

Out-Of-Touch Pittsburgh Sports Fan Tries To Name The Current Yankees Roster, Fails Miserably

All the way from Fernando Vina to Jim Edmonds,  I took great pride in knowing that I knew the entire 2002 St. Louis Cardinals line-up from start to finish. I also wasn't too shabby with those Mo Vaughn Mets either at the time. It was a true testament of trivial talent that I would never think leave me.

Well, it did. Greatly. Blame the player mobility, blame my college days degeneracy, or blame adulthood punching me square in the jaw, but I lost that not-so super power many years ago.

So today, we're going to play a little game. No, I'm not referring to Saw or it's upcoming and unnecessary sequel, prequel, r owhatever the hell it is, but I'm going to attempt to name a sizable chunk of the New York Yankees' current roster, who I haven't been as in tune with since the Joba Chamberlain days. Sure, names like Curtis Granderson float around, but the Yankees have always been notorious for one to two season flings, it's mighty hard to pin down if you're busy following the losing Pirates, pro wrestling, and the back-to-back Penguins. So with my brain itching to still say Mike Mussina and Jorge Posada, here goes nothing:

1. Aaron Judge. The Brock Lesnar of MLB.

2. Sonny Gray (who I envision to look like this)

conanoldtime7.gif
conanoldtime5.gif

3. Brett Gardner (is it him or CC that's longest tenured?)

4. That turncoat Jacoby Ellsbury

5. Greg Bird (note: only remembered this name because of the post-game interview on TBS last night - the Bird Man!)

6. Tanaka (Masato? Is that an old ECW wrestler I'm thinking of?)

Tanaka.gif

Yep. Badass ECW guy.

7. C.C. Sabathia

8. Todd Fraizer

(Uh oh, wearing thin...)

9. ...managed by Joe Girardi...

10. ....GMed by Brian Cashman...

That's all I got. Okay, so eight total. Pa-retty...pa-retty...pa-retty damn pitiful if you ask me. Let's take a look at everyone I will be disgusted at not knowing or remembering:

YankeeRoster.png

Yup, forgot David Robertson (who I feel should be wayyy older than 32), Aroldis (da fuuuuck), 2017 ALL STAR Gary Sanchez and Chase Headley. It's not Masato, it's Masahiro (you know, the guy that pitched lights out last night). Absolutely still thought Starlin Castro still played for the Cubs. 

Jaime Garcia plays for them too? Neat.

Boo you, current 2017 Dom, boo you to hell. How do I love baseball so much and not know all stars and aces? Times like these I must go reflect like George and think of my Mo Vaughn glory days.

ConstanzaThinking.jpg
Mid-Week Stand-Up: Norm Macdonald Is The Tim Duncan Of Comedy

Mid-Week Stand-Up: Norm Macdonald Is The Tim Duncan Of Comedy

The Keystone Cast: Episode #32 "Optical Pain"

The Keystone Cast: Episode #32 "Optical Pain"