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The KeysTone Statement

A sports, humor and entertainment blog right in the heart of Pittsburgh (and Pennsylvania).

There's A Cheeseburger Vandal In Pittsburgh

There's A Cheeseburger Vandal In Pittsburgh

"PITTSBURGH (KDKA) — Pittsburgh Police are looking for a man accused of vandalizing an elderly woman’s yard in the city’s West End.

Officers were called to McNeilly Avenue last Sunday after a man, who was caught on surveillance video, ripped up garden stones and pulled out several rose bushes in the woman’s front yard.

Investigators say the suspect also smeared a cheeseburger on the front door of the 85-year-old victim’s house.

If you know who he is, you are urged call police.

Stay with KDKA for the latest on this developing story. "

Vandalism overall is bad, but 85-years-old is wayyy past the cutoff age to Jackson Pollack a cheeseburger to someone door, let alone toss up some garden stones (and pull up rose bushes too? Very cold-blooded, sir). I don't care if the woman acted like that evil lady from Gremlins with the bad stair lift, there's a point where you just accept that the stubborn person sucks and you leave his/her stuff alone. If she was 68 and she took the garden hose to your dog in her yard, she may deserve a bag of flaming poop on her porch, but this poor lady maybe sees the front of her door like twice a week and we don't even know if she possesses the "old person bitter gene" (she probably didn't since people cared enough that it made the news). Sometimes burger smearing can happen to the best type of people. Shame on this guy.

Also, I'm perplexed to state if this is the best form of the crime or the worst. Best because a cheeseburger was creatively used for a tool of destruction or worst because a cheeseburger was wasted as a tool of destruction? Sure, odds are it was just some trash drunk food burger, but pizza is still pizza even if it's cheese, sauce and cardboard.

Let's bring this dirt bag to justice.

TBT: 1982 Michael Keaton Had Some Fly Style

TBT: 1982 Michael Keaton Had Some Fly Style

The Keystone Cast: Episode #29 "The Babadook & Bobby Darin"

The Keystone Cast: Episode #29 "The Babadook & Bobby Darin"