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The KeysTone Statement

A sports, humor and entertainment blog right in the heart of Pittsburgh (and Pennsylvania).

"The Resident" On Fox Needs To Be Evicted

"The Resident" On Fox Needs To Be Evicted

I knew absolutely nothing of "The Resident" until Joe Buck mentioned it twenty minutes earlier as the Vikings were dogging it to the Eagles. If it wasn't for Terry Bradshaw hamming it up at the Halas Trophy presentation and me noticing that Howie Long never ages, I wouldn't have stuck around for it.

It's a new medical drama on Fox and holy shit, is it complete hokey, conventional trash.

The opening scene does reel you in with the epic botching of a routine appendectomy and the rookie doctor played by Manish Dayal is likable, but everything else just rolls right into character ridiculousness.

The chief of surgery is your routine villain of corruptible means and each character delivers monologues to other characters that are just full of super-descriptive (and unnatural) exposition. It makes you feel like you're watching any typical new Fox drama that may or may not last a full season. The real big turd in this shit sandwich, however, is below:

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That's Dr. Conrad Hawkins, everybody. The young (yet somehow very experienced), cool, snarky, unorthodox resident of what I'm thinking to be a fictional hospital in a fictional city. This dude is so against the grain that he does crazy shit like throw ice in a dying woman's face to revive her and is a complete dick to the new doctor in town by telling him to "do everything I tell you to" or "I will wreck you" which then leads him to forcing said new doctor to shove his finger up somebody's ass. Oh, let's not forget that we are introduced to Conrad by a camera panning up from seeing his sweet medical forearm tattoo to watching him creep on a bunch of ladies in yoga class. So cool, yet so thorough in his work.

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Please, can we see him take the attractive nurse into a closet and make out with her? Aw, yeah, that's the stuff...ohhh, what's that? He's got another tattoo as well?

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That's right, ladies. Who wasn't clamoring to see Jesse James from that long dead motorcycle show replace his Fox Racing hoodie in favor of a stethoscope and a pissy know-it-all, yet still cares about you attitude? I know I was chomping at the bit.

Also, I didn't mention, this is THE main character. He's not a just a supporting face, he's the one big person we're supposed to rally behind. Oh yes, Fox wants you to slide your chips in for a guy who thought it was a wise decision to get "Death Before Dishonor" heavily inked across the top of his back in very bold calligraphy.

I'm supposed to want to have a beer with a protagonist, not want to punch him in his Corey Feldman face. At least House was an older, bitter condescending prick with a jimmy leg and a severe pill (or drinking, can't remember) problem. I don't care how thoughtful you make this Conrad guy, he's got that kidnappy, Robert DeNiro "work out at 2 a.m." in Cape Fear vibe.

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Part two of it's premiere is on tomorrow night. Will I watch it? Depending on how Raw 25 goes, yeah, yeah I might. It's awful, but football is essentially over (Pro Bowl next week, hohhh boy) and I have nothing in the realm of television series to watch currently. So for now, I'll reside.

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