KSLogo.png

The KeysTone Statement

A sports, humor and entertainment blog right in the heart of Pittsburgh (and Pennsylvania).

'2018: A Misplaced Odyssey' Directed By Mike Tomlin

'2018: A Misplaced Odyssey' Directed By Mike Tomlin

clockwork-orange-5.jpg

Yesterday wasn’t the Steelers worst loss, but it’s a further indication of things to come.

Take it from someone who’s a Jets fan - or as most may know, a fan of a team that’s familiar with having his heart ripped out Temple of Doom style.

Well, let’s just say that particular feeling isn’t as abrupt as a Mayan-like heart rip. It’s a slow drip of sadness, amigos. Those Rex Ryan defense days? Initially, we were spitting as far as our Giants' little brother bravado blustered, even after Jim Croce came along foreshadowing a gust of wind. But did we stop? No, we kept hocking loogies and all that early 2010s era became known for were butt fumbles and foot fetishes.

The uncultured swine that I am, I’ve never seen A Clockwork Orange (oh, but I’ve seen images!) You know the moment when Malcolm McDowell’s eyes are held open to watch something? Yinzer Steeler fans are that guy while the team's play is the device forcing his Brechtian eyelids open. Tomlin in turn is oddball Kubrick directing the whole show and the Rooneys are Warner Bros funding this big-budget freak show titled 2018: A Misplaced Odyssey.

Except this is a horrible analogy, because Stanley Kubrick, although a total weirdo, was extremely particular with his weirdo movies. He harnessed and channeled the weird to appropriately skeeve people out. Tomlin has let this team’s weird overtake not just what’s in front of the camera, but the pre and post production process. From the sound guys to the lady with the continuity bible, the laces have been loosened. There’s cat food being served in catering and people are finally starting to notice.

Sunday night against the rival Ravens, Vance McDonald barreled through the Baltimore Birds like a live action Donkey Kong, and the Black and Gold appeared to be unstoppable going into the half as they emphatically tied the game up at 14-14 with Brown and Conner both contributing to points on the board.

But that was it. No more points for Pittsburgh. As weird as this movie’s getting (and, heyyy whoa,  it’s getting weird), production was halted. Ben took the blame for the loss, but is he's not the lead actor that refuses to come out of his trailer.  He still shows up on set. His bad half-day is extrapolated since the whole crew is in crazy mode. Therefore making up for the leading man’s sub-par performance isn’t as easy as it once was.

Will corrective action be taken? Heck no - this movie has got to get made and hell or high water, kooky Kubrick’s name is all over this mess of an all-star cast. This once anticipated blockbuster is going to capsize worse than The Poseidon Adventure remake. Even if Warner Bros. are aware of their many holes in the boat, they’re going to let the passengers go down with it’s ship. Eyes wide shut and only the strong survive.

Patrick Mahomes Makes All Of Us Left-Handers Proud

Patrick Mahomes Makes All Of Us Left-Handers Proud

An Impolite Article About The Admirable Talent & Politeness Of Los Angeles Rams Quarterback, Jared Goff

An Impolite Article About The Admirable Talent & Politeness Of Los Angeles Rams Quarterback, Jared Goff