My Super Bowl Prediction Before I Go To Work & Miss The Game
Oh it's the big day, football fans. Do you have a favorite Super Bowl snack? I remember mine distinctly: it was Super Bowl XXXI (that's 31 for all you non Roman-numeralites) that pitted Brett Favre against that other coach/QB duo of the Pats, Bill Parcells & Drew Bledsoe. Desmond Howard, Antonio Freeman, the late Terry Glenn, Curtis Martin, Dorsey Levens - the gang was all there. And so was Baked Lays.
Whoaaa Miss Piggy, Richard Lewis, pre-eaten ear Evander and the damn Dhali Llama is quite the eclectic mix of attendees. What brings those party goers together? $1 million in Super Bowl advertising and baked potato chips. You add a Nestle Crunch to that mix and the DeAngelo house had a salty sweet time seeing Mike Holgrem hoist that Lombardi Trophy.
Well, no Baked Lays for me this year. And no Super Bowl because Dom here forgot to schedule off in advance so I'll be slinging guacamole for people who will be seeing the game. I'm an idiot. Such is life.
However, that doesn't mean I can't make some half-ass researched, but mostly guessing predictions that you three readers have been clamoring for.
Super Bowl LII: The New England Patriots vs. The Philadelphia Eagles
Now the Patriots are who we thought they were. Some say cheating asshole dirt bags with a soulless coach and the Ivan Drago of professional quarterbacks, I say one of the greatest sports franchises of all time (which, again, is coming from a guy whose team gets bludgeoned like a minor Game of Thrones character two times a year). Folks say that they've had an easier stroll to the playoffs than others, but the Jags were tougher than expected and it's still pro football people. if you feel that way then tell the AFC to step their damn game up.
Eagles were hot fire under Carson Wentz and looked to be rolling over NFC teams like Seinfeld rolled over ABC & CBS until ACL came in for a guest appearance, therein ending season two of "Wentz's Wings". Like Ashton Kutcher tagging in for Charlie Sheen on "Two & A Half Men", Nick Foles comes in with recognizable name notoriety, but not enough to keep the Eagles soaring at the level they were at, UNTIL the NFC championship. Then Foles looked like Al Bundy in his Polk High days
Which leads me to the Eagles defense: particularly the man pictured above (not Jerry) Fletcher Cox, who's been ruling the roost this year. If anybody's gonna flip Brady's shit tonight will be him putting the heat on Brady. *Stephen A. Smith voice* HOWEVA - Gronk is always the wild card. How will their defense be able to handle the "Tide Pod Terror" and whatever random slot receiver that comes out of nowhere for them?
Plus, you have to worry about them first time heebie jeebies, which every Eagle for except Blount & Long will have (I'm probably missing one or two others). How will Foles handle that pressure? What about that Eagles secondary? All of that is up-in-the-air which tends to be blood in the water for your defending Super Bowl Champions. I love Doug Pederson, I love the Nick Foles story and what the Eagles have done, and being a Philly resident for half a decade I've got a flag flying for those crazy degenerates, but that underdog is probably going to get put in the kennel tonight in a close one.
Winner: Patriots, 34-31
Now enjoy the game with my guac, you filthy animals.