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The KeysTone Statement

A sports, humor and entertainment blog right in the heart of Pittsburgh (and Pennsylvania).

Jason Kelce, Celebrated Philly Orator, Digs Curse Words & Banana Splits

Jason Kelce, Celebrated Philly Orator, Digs Curse Words & Banana Splits

This is without a doubt a Philadelphia sports speech through and through. It doesn't put Chase Utley's "World *Curse Word* Champions" zinger to shame, but it's like if Chase Utley's speech was a mogwai and you fed that little bastard after midnight. Doug Pederson cracking up in the background is just wonderful too.

I've got a Jason Kelce yarn to spin: the year was 2012 and I was slinging ice cream on 2nd & Market in Old City of Philly at The Franklin Fountain. It was a weeknight and that customer flow sure was getting slow. Enter Jason Kelce complete with voluptuous beard and Herbal Essenced mane, all ready for a night on the town that likely included booze (perhaps at Drinker's, perhaps at Brownie's who the hell knows), but an evening that certainly included a frozen dairy treat. He came into the place feeling his oats, meaning he was in high spirits and wanted a banana split with all the fixings. I can't remember if I made it for him, but I do remember that he got the biggest banana split on menu. Yes, that's right, we have more than one banana split on the menu (side note: I still refer to The Franklin Fountain as "we" because I can't move on from the past). Let's run 'em down, eh?

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 "Hey, baby."

"Hey, baby."

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He got the Dr. Dovey's and he got it to go, meaning it was in a big Chinese takeout container (but, fun ice cream fact, the Chinese food container was originally invented for ice cream not for the General Tso's that's concocted of fried rat thighs) and it was a total mess to handle. Did you think Kelce gave a damn about the appearance of a glob sundae? Hell no.

He at it like a champion....

Wes Anderson's "Isle Of Dogs" Has A New Clip Of A Stop-Motion Showdown

Wes Anderson's "Isle Of Dogs" Has A New Clip Of A Stop-Motion Showdown

The Keystone Cast: Episode #44 "The Winds Of Change"

The Keystone Cast: Episode #44 "The Winds Of Change"