DMX Is A Fraud & So Am I
DMX, who was one of the most successful rappers of the late 1990s with five US No 1 albums, has been jailed for a year for tax evasion.
Federal prosecutors said the rapper, real name Earl Simmons, failed to pay tax on income earned from 2002 to 2005, and from 2010 to 2015. On top of the prison sentence, Simmons must pay $2.29m back to the US government.
Simmons had pleaded guilty to one count of tax evasion but disputed the prosecution’s claim that he deliberately avoided tax by living a “cash lifestyle”, and by concealing his wealth during a bankruptcy hearing. He said he did not steal the money “like a criminal in a comic book”, and acknowledged that the tax should be paid.
There are two constants in life, death and taxes. DMX has so far escaped the latter but taxes you cannot escape. And I know what you're thinking, "what's this, Dom - are you too an evader of such yearly debts to the Red, White & Blue?"
And you'd be right at asking that question as the headline I chose for this would indicate me ducking from ol' Uncle Sam, but let me assure you - I click my heels like a stereotypical leprechaun when this time of the year rolls around because I'm so shambled financially that the government owes my broke ass money. So to answer that hypothetical question that probably none of you actually asked, no, I'm not a tax evader (although it sounds oddly heroic.)
However, I do feel like a fraud. Go on, take a look back at this blog and find the last article I wrote on here. These words will wait. It's the Internet - shit festers for a long time on the Internet (just look at Twitter - hey, Mark Madden!) When was the last time I actually wrote something for illustrious, well-renowned Keystone Statement?
The answer is seven days. A week. I could go on with a litany of excuses, but I'll choose one that substantiates my writer lifestyle claims and say that I had plenty of shit to write, and I did. But I also had time to go see KSWA Wrestling in Lawrenceville, drink several alcoholic beverages, and play Halo 5. That's time to be productive, my friends. What does a writer do? He writes (but sometimes he drinks and watch wrestling.)
Back to DMX, though. I'm happy he's spending a year in the slammer. Even though he looks like Karl Malone (whom I love), he was involved in dog fighting and plead guilty to animal cruelty. That I can not get behind no matter how jazzed up (another Karl Malone reference) my scrawny rural-sheltered teenage self got by hearing "X Gon Give It To Ya" in the locker room after gym class.
More like "TaX Gon Give It To Ya." Zing! Ohh, I'm back, babayyy!