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The KeysTone Statement

A sports, humor and entertainment blog right in the heart of Pittsburgh (and Pennsylvania).

Le'Veon Bell Applying To Dairy Queen Before Reporting To Steelers Should Be Concerning

Le'Veon Bell Applying To Dairy Queen Before Reporting To Steelers Should Be Concerning

I don't mean to make a mountain out a mole hill here, but the fact that Bell pulled a power move like this before settling foot into a Steelers facility should raise an eyebrow or three. Forget the debate about whether it's in good fun or a tasteless millennial move because that's for the softies on the Twitter machine to piss and moan about (also, poor choice of words - nothing at DQ is tasteless). No, Steeler fans should be really side-eye emoji-ing his choice of blue-collar job profession. Like John Madden on a 90s Thanksgiving X'ing and O'ing the intricacies of a turducken, let's break this puppy down:

Number 1: What does Dairy Queen serve? Smiles and tasty frosty treats that are an abomination to anything close to natural or healthy, of course (also, the best birthday cakes imaginable).

Number 2: Besides everyone except those wussy lactose intolerants, what niche of society notoriously enjoys a tasty frosty treat during "high times"? That's right, doobie rollers. Aficionados of the left-handed cigarettes, as it where. Which leads us to....

Number 3: There's (at least) two renowned doobie rollers on your 2017 Pittsburgh Steelers: one is recently reinstated Martavis Bryant and the other just applied for a full time position at Dairy Queen.

Hmmmm. Is Le'Veon's fingertips currently rich with resin? Have I watched way too much "Reefer Madness"? Or is there, targeted Steeler fan, truth to what I'm saying?

"I was going to lead the league in rushing yards, but then I got high." - Afroman could have once said this. You've been warned.

Sidenote: As I was Googling DQ Blizzard photos (the definition of food porn), I saw that these crafty bastards actually made a Chips Ahoy Blizzard. Is this still a thing? Geniuses. Absolute peddlers of gluttony.

Dairy-Queen-Chips-Ahoy-Blizzard.jpg

Geniuses. Absolute peddlers of gluttony.

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Final Week Recap Of The 1990s TV Draft: The Hoff, Clarissa, Daria & More

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