Le'Veon Bell Applying To Dairy Queen Before Reporting To Steelers Should Be Concerning
I don't mean to make a mountain out a mole hill here, but the fact that Bell pulled a power move like this before settling foot into a Steelers facility should raise an eyebrow or three. Forget the debate about whether it's in good fun or a tasteless millennial move because that's for the softies on the Twitter machine to piss and moan about (also, poor choice of words - nothing at DQ is tasteless). No, Steeler fans should be really side-eye emoji-ing his choice of blue-collar job profession. Like John Madden on a 90s Thanksgiving X'ing and O'ing the intricacies of a turducken, let's break this puppy down:
Number 1: What does Dairy Queen serve? Smiles and tasty frosty treats that are an abomination to anything close to natural or healthy, of course (also, the best birthday cakes imaginable).
Number 2: Besides everyone except those wussy lactose intolerants, what niche of society notoriously enjoys a tasty frosty treat during "high times"? That's right, doobie rollers. Aficionados of the left-handed cigarettes, as it where. Which leads us to....
Number 3: There's (at least) two renowned doobie rollers on your 2017 Pittsburgh Steelers: one is recently reinstated Martavis Bryant and the other just applied for a full time position at Dairy Queen.
Hmmmm. Is Le'Veon's fingertips currently rich with resin? Have I watched way too much "Reefer Madness"? Or is there, targeted Steeler fan, truth to what I'm saying?
"I was going to lead the league in rushing yards, but then I got high." - Afroman could have once said this. You've been warned.
Sidenote: As I was Googling DQ Blizzard photos (the definition of food porn), I saw that these crafty bastards actually made a Chips Ahoy Blizzard. Is this still a thing? Geniuses. Absolute peddlers of gluttony.
Geniuses. Absolute peddlers of gluttony.