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The KeysTone Statement

A sports, humor and entertainment blog right in the heart of Pittsburgh (and Pennsylvania).

Kyle Shanahan Is The Dude And Brian Hoyer Is Walter

Kyle Shanahan Is The Dude And Brian Hoyer Is Walter

Via Charean Williams of NBC Sports

Who knows what the 49ers thought they were getting in Brian Hoyer, but it’s safe to say they expected more than they have gotten so far. The 49ers quarterback has had the worst back-to-back games of his NFL career, which has spanned 33 starts over nine seasons.

“I want him to get his edge back. I want him to get his confidence,” 49ers coach Kyle Shanahan said Wednesday on the KNBR Morning Show, via Matt Maiocco of NBC Sports Bay Area. “We need Brian to step up, and we need everyone around him to step up.”

Hoyer, who is playing with his fourth team in four years, has completed 62 passes for 292 yards with no touchdowns and two interceptions. His 60.7 passer rating tops only DeShone Kizer and Andy Dalton.

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Yeah, Brian, step your fuckin' game up! What's the problem, man? You're shitty, the team around you is shitty, the two shitties should cancel one another out and you guys should be hitting the gridiron like this:

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Just completely playing like a below D- football team is unacceptable. You guys should be killing it on the dance floor - rain, shine or sleet. STEP UP. We didn't piss away Jim Harbaugh, Alex Smith and the Colin Kaepernick saga for this kind of third-rate, Mickey Mouse bullshit.

Really, what Bri-Guy should be saying to Kyle Shanahan is something Walter said to The Dude (with slight alterations). Here's how the conversation should go (note: the key alteration is in ALL CAPS BOLD - it's kind of like "Where's Waldo", but with text):

Shanahan (playing the role of Jeff "The Dude" Lebowski): "You fucked it up! You fucked  it up! The game was in our hands man! "

Hoyer (playing the role of Walter Sobchak): "Easy, Shan."

Shanahan: "We're screwed now! We don't score shit, they're gonna kill us! We're fucked, Brian!"

Hoyer: "Nothing is fucked Shan. Come on. You're being very unShan. We'll come back. Look, they took - " (defense forces opponent to punt)  "Ya see? Nothing's fucked here, Shan. Nothing is fucked. WE'RE a bunch of fucking amateurs--"

Shanahan: "But Brian, Brian will you just shut the fuck up! Don't say peep when I'm doing coaching here man. "

Hoyer: "Okay Shan. Have it your way. But WE'RE amateurs."

I mean, Shan is being very unShan, here. What does he have to worry about? He's essentially in the Hue Jackson phase where the team could absolutely piss on 2017's rug and he could still walk out of the season with any rug in the house. Relax, Shan. Do a jay. Have a white Russian. Relax.

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