An Impolite Article About The Admirable Talent & Politeness Of Los Angeles Rams Quarterback, Jared Goff
Jared “The Piss Missile Prodigy” Goff. This dude murdered it all on Thursday night. Even only two years into his role as a starter, Goff aired it out like a Marino veteran - he and his receiver corps full of Woods, Kupps and Cooks all played off one another’s skills and talents. Goff became the top quarterback in history with the most passing attempts to have a perfect passer rating (that’s 158.3 if you’ve been smoking that ESPN QBR doobie for the past 7 years).
Remember when people were giving him hell on Hard Knocks because he didn’t know where the sun rose and set? Geez, I just made the Japan “Land Of The Rising Sun” connection only after that became a news topic and thought “in lieu of” meant “in light of” up until a comments section lit me up at my freelance job. I’m an idiot and you are too. This media world today I tell ya, all up in everybody’s twigs and berries.
I could give a late Gene Wilder if he believed that we had two moons (a flat earther is another thing, however), there’s talent behind that boy from Cal. Coach “Makes Me Feel My Age” McVay and the athletes he put around Goff helped bring out his quarterback’s first overall auroa, and Goff in turn, has made those LA Rams one of the top NFL overall offenses this side of the greatest shows on turf - something not every franchise quarterback is capable of doing. You can’t tell me 2016 MVP Matt Ryan would have even done that stuff. Call me a prisoner of the moment, but guess what fellow football fan reading this? This game lives and breaths off people saying stuff like that.
And all talent aside, you know my track record - I’m a writer who likes his quarterbacks old, weathered and on the Ensure, but I’m also a sucker for polite people. Goff, after he threw the best game of his career had a post-game chat with Kristina Pink and the dude didn’t thank her just once, but twice for the interview - once on the stick and once off it.
Pre-$10 million Jon Gruden would have admired the X’s & O’s acumen of “PMPl” (like CM Punk - but again, Piss Missile) I however, am a staunch believer that good manners scores just as many touchdowns as huffing whiteboard markers with a television personality if you ask me.
You want more “prisoner of the moment” hot takes? I slept in until noon today folks, so I got ‘em flaming from my fingertips: I bet Goff also tips at least 25%, holds the door for people despite age or gender, and plays moderator when friends with two abrasive political views make things awkward during a wholesome game of Cards Against Humanity. Quality guy he is, I bet he even picks up stray trash when he goes for walks. Sip on that today, ya shit heels.
And thank you for your time. Thank you.