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The KeysTone Statement

A sports, humor and entertainment blog right in the heart of Pittsburgh (and Pennsylvania).

Ridiculous Live Game Notes: Penguins vs. Canadiens "Maestro Sid & Jake Bakes"

Ridiculous Live Game Notes: Penguins vs. Canadiens "Maestro Sid & Jake Bakes"

Photo: Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

These notes were written while watching tonight's Penguins game. Please, again, note that they are just notes and attempts to be witty and engaging. Look at it as a glorified Twitter feed. If you're coming here for breakdowns of goals, player strategy or anythings of the advanced hockey knowledge, you may cringe at the forthcoming. Enjoy!

Not fun times against the Islanders last night, but we've got hockey in Pittsburgh tonight. These back-to-back games are something, aren't they? Didn't we just play these guys?

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1ST PERIOD

  • Where's Jeff Jimerson?
  • You gotta think that Letang keeps his head down just so his hair hangs down like that. He knows it looks good.
  • DeSmith is in DeNet, but at what (Carey) Price?
  • Very close call 18 ticks in away from Lord Paul Byron. DeSmith had a save to save for watching.
  • Brass gets a penalty shot (his first career one -wow) but it's to no avail.
  • Price was 10 for 15 on penalty shots
  • Even Flyers do degenerate things with SOG. It never ends for them. Like a zombie virus they are.
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  • Mike Sullivan's tie game is much more tamer than his St. Paddy's Day work. A nice plaid though.
  • That 8-year old who Mario invited to the game would mess my day up on ice, concrete, lacquer it don't matter. I'd be humbled. I played goalie in intramural hockey once and won with 12 goals scored on me.
  • Phil looks so graceful on the ice when he's picking up momentum.
  • Rebound goal by Geno. Getting reviewed because Malkin was gliding into Price, pushing him into the net. It also hit off his skate. I think the goal is good, but yeah, kinda biased.
  • Goal's good! Geno's good! LGP (1-0)
  • The name Carey Price makes me think of money, which makes me think of a million dollars, which makes me think of that Barenaked Ladies song. Prepare to see the video between periods.
  • One-time knuckler stopped by Price as we hit a commercial.
  • Alzner shoving Guentzel around. Mind your P's & Q's, sir.
  • Bob Errey wants to get rid of instant replay. I like the suggestion, Bob. I do.
  • Rick Kessell looks like Scott Dawson from WWE.
  • Errey loves Mears seemingly unintentional pun of "Petry the dish"
  • Bob asking Sheary his thoughts on the goaltender challenges - keeping current with the interview Q's.
  • Kessel doing some Black Widow billiards shit with the puck.
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  • Dude. Alzner going for nut shots on Sid. Degeneracy. Crosby owned him. OWNED HIM.
  • Horny scores with a PP goal! Boxed a dude out too. Wonderful (2-0)
  • DAMN. Horny almost had a breakaway. It would have been bootiful.
  • Five goals in six games for Swede 72.
  • Jonathan Drouin scores after too safe of play by Letang.
  • End of period. Here's some Barenaked Ladies (the band of middle-aged Canadians, not nudes, but if they were they'd be tasteful)

2ND PERIOD

  • Only nine games left. Wow.
  • Malkin only three points behind Kucerov.
  • De La Rose had a pretty solid shot on DeSmith but he DeNied it.
  • Whoaaa. Another penalty shot. Gallagher is gonna get the chance because of Oleksiak.
  • DeSmith....DeeeeNied! Right into the glove.
  • My goodness what a chance by Crosby. Holy smokes.
  • 4 on 4 hockey after Letang takes a stick to the schnozz
  • Pens then on a PP for a minute.
  • Damn you, shorthanded goals. Damn youuuu (2-2.) It was Orange Scherbeck.
  • Can't get it done on the PP,  Pens.
  • Crosby gets casually denied by Carey. Good vs. good, there.
  • Carey Price snags a slapper from Schultz. Again, the dude is good.
  • Another breakaway chance, Horny gets a one-timer, but nothing doing.
  • Maatta gets a call for hooking and he feels the shame.
  • Ruwhetel with a lovely dump to kill that penalty ("lovely dump" sounds awful.)
  • Something bad just happened to one of the linesman, Steve Miller. Errey thinks he got cut, but isn't sure. Maybe a blade off the bench. Hope it's nothing bad.
  • Kessel fires one off, but yet again, Price stops.
  • De La Rose chips an air-puck in off the bounce. Dang it (2-3.)
  • Mears & Errey talk about how strange of a game this is. Penny Lane's getting played at the end of the period.
  • Sid The Kid with an amazing goal. Just gorgeous. Unbelievable. (3-3)

3RD PERIOD

  • Steve Miller is back and his hand is wrapped up like CM Punk.
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  • Pens on the PP again with 18:45 left.
  • Miller can't drop the puck with that stitched up hand.
  • Derick Brassard gives power to the power play with a center ice shot. Lovely (4-3.) Goal #20 for him on the season. Points in four straight games. Errey gives plenty of credit to Guentzel for that goal.
  • Sid gets the call for tripping and feels the shame.
  • Kessel's only one point away from matching his career high. Nice, Phil. This guy likes his profession.
  • Eesh lots of close calls for goals during that PK. Very close, but the Penguinos kill it.
  • Still can't get over that Crosby goal. Errey calls him a maestro.
  • 3:11 left when the whistle blows.
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  • Breakaway attempt with Brassard and Horny, but gets broken up.
  • Price still not pulled with 1:45 left.
  • Guentzel scores with Price in net. Crazy angle shot. Up two, woo woo woo. (5-3)
  • Three point night for Jake Guentzel. He's also the hits leader (thanks, Mears)
  • Crosby has 700 assists. Oh yeah.
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FINAL SCORE: 5-3, your Pittsburgh Penguins hockey club.

My Three Stars

3. Steve Miller. No severe cut on the hand will stop this linesman from doing his job. He flies like an eagle after only missing half a period.

2. Jake Guentzel. Three points and the game sealer for Jake. Just an all around winner of a night for him.

1. Sidney F'n Crosby. With a goal like that, how can he not be? Plus, the 700 assist thing is pretty nice too. Let's look at it one more time, eh?

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