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The KeysTone Statement

A sports, humor and entertainment blog right in the heart of Pittsburgh (and Pennsylvania).

Coaching Candidates For The Giants That Could Maintain McAdoo's Mustache Game

Coaching Candidates For The Giants That Could Maintain McAdoo's Mustache Game

Sayanora, Bagging Sagging Benny. We hardly knew ye and your incapability of answering simple questions like "what did you say to them at halftime?" Reese Cup is also gone too, but New Yorkers are really left wondering who's going to fill those coaching sneakers, and by all accounts exceed their predecessor's poor fashion choices?

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One thing's for sure, they will have a tough time following up on such prominent upper lip fuzz. Only few can coach football and look like an exceptional 70s porn star doing it. Let's take a look at some of the candidates:


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Burt Reynolds

An originator of movie mustache bad-assery, the last time Burt suited up in a set of shoulder pads was in the 2005 Adam Sandler remake of The Longest Yard, but he also coached in it too. He was also a legit running back for Florida State during his college days. Plus, he's the Bandit. I don't see the problem here.

Odds of getting hired: 2:1


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Dave Wannstedt

Wannstedt coached the local Pitt Panthers back in 2010, but he hasn't let his foot up on the gas while driving down that fu-manchu freeway of looking good on FOX's super pre-pre-game show. He has dabbled with the Bears and Dolphins as head coach, but perhaps this breather from the sidelines has served him well. 

Odds of getting hired: 12:1


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Alex Trebek

This one's up in the air considering he's a game show host and he's been out of the mustache life for several years now, but Trebek would make one banging head coach. He can barely put up with a contestant's bad "fun fact" moment, you think he's going to tolerate Odell Beckham's bullshit on the sidelines?

What is "absolutely not"? Plus, imagine the audibles you'd hear coming from Eli or whoever the hell will be under center come next September ("Ape Tit 400! Ape Tit 400!") 

Odds of getting hired: 32:1


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Uncle Rico

Forgotten like the Dell Dude, you know Uncle Rico is still out there somewhere aiming for those mountains. The man has no off switch and would do the same when it came to motivate the Big Apple blue.

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Obviously he'd have Rex Kwan Do for strength and conditioning.

Odds of getting hired: 128:1


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Wyatt Earp

Now granted, Wyatt Earp is dead and was about as aware of football as he was aware of Apple products, but he was a man of structure and keeping the peace. All the Mara family would really have to do is get a clairvoyant to channel his spirit and they could easily instill his (I'm sure) very unorthodox strategy on the gridiron. Certainly a wild card, but definitely an option if the going gets tough.

Odds of getting hired: 0:0 (The clairvoyant: 1,000,000:1)

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