The KeysTone Statement

A sports, humor and entertainment blog right in the heart of Pittsburgh (and Pennsylvania).

Penguino Round-Up: Crosby Gets Many Hats, Jagr In Town, "Flyers Shaming"

Penguino Round-Up: Crosby Gets Many Hats, Jagr In Town, "Flyers Shaming"

Pens Shut Out Panthers 4-0 As Sid Gets A Hat Trick

We here in Pittsburgh may be carelessly throwing the phrase "hat trick" around all willy nilly lately, but when you have fellas in black and gold getting them on an almost weekly basis, it's kind of hard to avoid turning it into an adopted son of Yinzer vocabulary (what a pretentious "my team is better than yours" statement I just made, so don't sweat your balls off thinking I'm jinxing the team, I'll balance out the blogging-verse here in a bit). Sidney Crosby, a true Canadian treasure of athletic prowess, put three goals up today against the Florida Jaromirs in true GOCT (Greatest Of Current Time) fashion with a little help from Conor Sheary, who assisted in all three.

Games like these makes every one that isn't a Penguins fan further hate Sid, but we should take moments like these to appreciate that we're the lucky sons a bitches that got this dude on our squad. Sure, that's been said a lot, but I'll say it again and you say it along with me, Dusty Rhodes "Hard Times" style by putting your hand up against your phone or Steve Jobs' Macbook: "Dat boy's got more hats than John Wayne, daddy!"

Let's not forget he has 40 goals, 80 points and one fine backhand.

Mercenary Jagr Gets A Hero's Welcome

Speaking of treasures of athletic prowess, our favorite black sheep, Jaromir "give me money or I give you three seasons in Russia" Jagr was back in the Burgh today, and the Pens hit him with an AC/DC tribute video that'll knock your #68 sweater off:

 And Jagr returns the love:

Just look at that guy. The gray, the mullet, the grizzle...if one person epitomizes "what makes hockey great" it's mid-40s Jagr. He's like Logan on skates, but instead of heads rolling, it's goals.

Hey, Let's Not Forget, We Also Got Shut Out This Week

I know you and I would like to forget, but a Flyers loss (particularly a shutout), no matter how irrelevant their team is this season, is still a loss to our most detested rival. That's something we shouldn't shake off so easily (the wins and standings sure do help take off a bit of the sting, though). People on their high horse of Pens fandom will say, "Oh yeah? Well we won't see them in the playoffs," which, yes, is true. We won't see those orange clowns come mid April, but losing to said orange clowns is still a loss to orange fuckin' clowns. The Patriots lose to the Giants, we don't want our Giants to be orange clowns.  Just look at this humbling stat and let it sink in. Do not advert your eyes or you're a coward:

Yes...think about that. This blog is not all about fun. We as fans can brag all we want, but until we get our Brutus off our Caesar (just a piss poor, awful analogy, but I'm in "bragging then thinking 'Fall of Rome' mode" so there ya go even if it doesn't line up historically) we should still have a stick to flick and some gloves to drop.

Either way...


Cuppa Coffee: Conor McGregor "I'm Gonna Stop Floyd!"

Cuppa Coffee: Conor McGregor "I'm Gonna Stop Floyd!"

Horror Stories - The Trestle: Installment One

Horror Stories - The Trestle: Installment One