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Post Game (Of Thrones) Thoughts: S7, E6 "Beyond The Wall"

Post Game (Of Thrones) Thoughts: S7, E6 "Beyond The Wall"

(DISCLAIMER: I have no clue whatsoever on how to spell [or remember] character names, but I will forego my due diligence of journalistic integrity by researching the proper spelling in favor of humor and self-mockery. Seriously, screw off GRRM for making these names too close to real ones

FIFTH UPDATE: Alright, so I'm walking out with chest puffed out and feathers spread, gonna take a few spelling risks here.)

I've never been so nervous for a television episode like I was for "Beyond The Wall". So nervous that I actually continued watching WWE Summer Slam instead of switching over live (Brock Lesnar won and Cesaro smashed a beach ball in the crowd). Two (count 'em, two) of my favorite characters are going beyond the wall in Jorah & Jon in a major cool and major dangerous "Magnificent Seven" mission. One is old but keeps going out on the field to play like post-Packers Favre and the other has a knack for dying, I had to think one of them wasn't walking away from this wight hunt. Well, let's take a trip down to the bullet points and find out (I'll save my letter grade for below):

"That fly has no chance and your drapes will be fine. I'm an expert."

"That fly has no chance and your drapes will be fine. I'm an expert."

  • I still can’t get over the strong “Jon Lovitz in The Wedding Singer” and Littlefinger comparison. Thanks “Previously On” for sharing that again.

  • Tormund dropping some words of wisdom on Jon. Shit.

  • The Hound dropping some words of wisdom on Gendry. Shit. With Hound sass to boot.

  • Great bro moment between my boy Jorah and Jon. I’m very concerned for Jorah’s well being. Very concerned.

  • Arya really falling for this Baelish ploy? You were trained in faceless man tom foolery, and you’re going to eat up the rat bastard bagel he’s serving? This Stark family conflict is pretty unnecessary.

  • Ginger hate, eh? The Hound must watch South Park

  • If Beric had two eyes, he’d have a glimmer in both of them.

  • Well, clear foreshadow of Cersei and Dany meet-up.

  • Geez, that snow is awful. I bitch about walking to work, couldn’t imagine wandering aimlessly to track down and corral an angry sworded skeleton all the while a horrible death is looming over you.

  • I would have absolutely been one of those guys to get scare bear mauled. Can’t see, snow pelting my face with unrelentless vigor. I’d get got.

  • C’mon Sansa & Arya. You have to be playing Baelish. That’s some straight up bullshit if you’re that wrapped around his little finger. Hey oh. But really, don’t be dumb.

  • Night King sitting on the horse way far away looks like Ghostbusters 2 Vigo. Late 80s computer effects and all. Not HBO’s best rendering work.

  • Sansa if you’re not bamboozling, you’re acting like a real dope. Only thing promising is that soap opera look you gave Brienne as she walked away is giving me any indication that trickery could be the case.

  • The Hound’s got a better outfield arm than Starling Marte.

  • Thank you to the showrunners for putting the no-namers with Jon & the gang in hoods so we know who doesn't matter.

  • We almost had another JAWS moment on our hands with Tormund playing the role of Quint and the water wights playing the finned beast herself.

  • Dany must have had these Tyrion conversations just several minutes after Jon, Jorah and the gang left Dragonstone to go wight hunting, because she sure showed up the hell outta nowhere. There are many questions that go with this, but I’ll just pick two: (1) how did she hold onto Drogon for that long if he was flying that fast and (2) how is her face not wind burnt and/or frostbit? Again with the no babushkas. She couldn't be ready for those dropping temps, like the relative who flies out from San Diego to visit family in upstate New York in December.

  • Also, I forgot that there was a difference between “wight” and “white walker”.

  • The dragon death was not a fun one to observe.

  • What the hell was that Arya? Like what the fuck? That's Bran level of creepy and he does his creep without implying violence. Even if they are playing Littlefinger this storyline lost me.

  • Hey, that’s the start of a good Taragareyn relationship right there. Compromises and understanding. Jon willingly says “your Queen” and Dany’s modest in accepting the offer. I’m good with that.

  • I don’t think anybody expected an undead dragon at the end of this episode. One or more of the Magnificent Snowven not coming back was surefire, but very few had zombie dragon on their GOT bingo cards. Also, what if that eye didn’t open, like, at all? What a finish that would have been.

Overall, a B-. I loved all of the wight hunt stuff, but those scenes with Arya, Sansa and Littlefinger were pointless and not worthy of the 20 minutes it was given. Seriously, just take his face and get it over with. Hey, but Jorah and Jon are still alive (well, Jon kinda is) and that's a big win for my GoT fandom! #GoJorahGo

Didn't have a single clue that next week was the season finale. No idea why my brain has been hanging it's hat on eight episodes, but that tidbit at the end came out of left field. Well, best get ready. #WinterIsHere

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