Post Game (Of Thrones) Thoughts: S7, E4 "The Spoils Of War"
(DISCLAIMER: I have no clue whatsoever on how to spell [or remember] character names, but I will forego my due diligence of journalistic integrity by researching the proper spelling in favor of humor and self-mockery. Seriously, screw off GRRM for making these names too close to real ones
UPDATE: I'm a little more familiarized with some names, but some probably means like three, so get ready for this song and dance of ice and fire eff ups
SECOND UPDATE: Other than "Targaryon" I'm feeling pretty confident this week. Here goes nothing
THIRD UPDATE: I find that having closed captioning on really helps. Was all set to flay names "Podrick" & "Brienne" in brutal Bolton fashion, but aye, no more!):
Wowsers. Did not see that ending battle coming. The mighty rumbling of "Jaime & Bronn Doom Train" were rolling in steady with just the Dothraki riding into sight like wild maniacs, but Dany coasting in with her dragon was an absolutely "shit is going to go down moment". And it sure did. Aside from a few minor things regarding all the animal deaths (and honestly, what did I expect? War is war. You throw a giant flying, fire breathing reptile into the mix and you can pretty much take to the Iron Bank that everything living is pretty much gonna die), "The Spoils Of War" undoubtedly gets an A+ and will go down as one of the high-mark episodes of the series. Scary, sad and satisfying on more levels than Kramer's apartment, so let's get to it:
- Bronn doesn't seem so sure about shacking up with House Lannister. His debt isn't getting the repayment he's been looking for.
- Does no one in Winterfell wear hats? Winter is absolutely here and that means so is frostbite, gang. Forget leather on armor, how about a couple of babushkas?
- That one guard on the left of Arya looks a little like Mark Madden. I wonder if he too rips on Pirates bloggers?
- You can tell Podrick is now a man confident in his bedroom abilities. Actual swordsmanship, not so much, but he's definitely confident about something.
- Jon's pride isn't more important than his men and nor is a title of King or Queen when you're eventually doing battle with the undead, Dany. Right? Having him bend the knee seems a little egotistical after these cave drawings. Always trust cave drawings. Always.
- Brienne & Arya sparring it out looks way more credible than any Mayweather & McGregor fight.
- Davos is one cool right-hand man. Chock full of wisdom, wit and a fine observer of the Jon Snow lusty eyes.
- Did Dickon (sophomoric lol) just foreshadow himself pooping himself?
- Alright, I can 100% buy a dragon existing and burning an entire army to death in this Game of Thrones universe, but I still have trouble swallowing the fact that Dany (or anyone) can ride one. That would be like holding onto the wing of a 747. Dammit, we gotta draw a line somewhere.
- Dickon with the dues ex machina for Jaime. Fight brave indeed, man. Pretty sure there's no poop there.
- I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT like the horse's leg getting cut off and it proceeding to yell in pain. May even be a worse sequence than The Walking Dead Season 1 "Horse In Atlanta" episode. I was all about zero on-screen horse deaths during this battle and that clearly did not happen. Weird I can muster seeing armies getting burned alive in chilling visual fashion, but if horses or direwolves get similar treatment I feel my face get immediately flushed. We needed some Tony Soprano, "Pie Oh My" retribution.
- Bronn's Roy Scheider from JAWS "smile you son of a bitch" moment had to be completely intentional. Not as satisfying since Dany's dragons are likable characters in comparison to a soulless Robert Shaw-eating shark, but there's no denying Bronn & Chief Brody's similarities in looks. All that sellsword needed was a cigarette dangling out of his stunned mouth and it would have been spot on. Son of bitch, do I love Roy Scheider.
- Damn, son! Jaime getting two deus ex machinas in the span of seven minutes (well, as long as he has a healthy pair of lungs and can swim one-handed).
- Jaime is going through some real "Saving Private Ryan" shit during all of this.
- I'd be damned if Game Of Thrones doesn't inject it's audience with an extra dose of "fear for a main character death" serum. Certainly had me thinking Chief Bronn Brody and/or Jaime wasn't going to see the ending credits. That's why this show is so dang great.
Now I must go read Black Beauty to alleviate my horse horrors. #WinterIsHere