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The KeysTone Statement

A sports, humor and entertainment blog right in the heart of Pittsburgh (and Pennsylvania).

In One Of The Greatest Promotional Moves In Online Dating History, The Puppy Bowl Is On Tinder

In One Of The Greatest Promotional Moves In Online Dating History, The Puppy Bowl Is On Tinder

I use Tinder about four times a year. While I'm sure for the ladies it can be an absolute creep show of perverted proportions, for the non-creepy dude side of things it's very much like degenerate gambling on a corrupted slot machine. With swiping being the degenerate gambling part and your time being the $300 in quarters you're using, you keep swiping into an oblivion of non-responses.

At least for me, the batting average of matchmaking on there has to be on the level (or below) the infamous (Mario) Mendoza line and Billy Crystal probably had better odds of getting a hit in Yankees spring training than I do of setting up a coffee date, let alone getting a solid volley of flirty conversation back and forth.

 70s era Mendoza would bat .800 on Tinder.

70s era Mendoza would bat .800 on Tinder.

But, fellow Tinder misfits, fear not, because even if you can't hook up with duckface Diane during Super Bowl week, the app still plays the role of supportive buddy in the trenches to let you know that man still has best friend:

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You better believe I did, Dragonfly. Not only are you adorable, but you're on the (tennis) ball with the puns. (Ohhhhh, two can play this game). 

Oh, heark - what's this? A message already? Trash that corrupted slot machine analogy because things are coming up Dom. Now let's let my broke ass adopt you, eh?

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Dang it, you minx, I knew it was too good to be true. Just an absolute gold digger this Dragonfly is. These good dogs are always looking for that logical, good cause hand-out.

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Rest assured, you'll get my five dollars come this payday (again, broke Dom here). Just win the damn Puppy Bowl. That's all I ask.

The Keystone Cast: Episode #43 "The One With Chad"

The Keystone Cast: Episode #43 "The One With Chad"

My Man Vinny Looking Good This Weekend - Could Still Thread The Football Needle

My Man Vinny Looking Good This Weekend - Could Still Thread The Football Needle