Trying To Be Positive When Considering That Tom Wilson Is Trash
Hi I’m Slodes, You may remember me from such blog posts as “An Objective List Of Things You’ll Hate About The Capitals” or “How to Lazily Borrow Old Simpsons Jokes”. I’ve taken a more positive approach to playoff hockey this year and haven’t gone looking for things to hate, but then I was reminded of a thing called Tom Wilson.
But to get back to the positive side of things here’s a list of things that are objectively awful in their own right but rank higher than Tom Wilson:
- The trashcan in the outdoor eating area of a McDonalds on a 90 degree day.
- People who spoil Infinity War.
- Pauly Shore.
- Pierre McGuire’s personal space bubble.
- The GlowPuck
- Stepping in a puddle with a sock on and then stepping on a lego.
- Seven on Married With Children
- An orange juice and toothpaste cocktail.
- Acid wash jeans.
- NHL officiating.
- People who ask for a stick of gum but then put it in their pocket to save for later.
- A Roomba that is currently dragging dog poop through your house.
- Having 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife.
- Claude Giroux.
- Internet things that rely way too heavily on 90s nostalgia.
- Guys who are a little too into vape flavors.
- Panera’s ever shrinking portion sizes.
- This list, maybe?
I'm sure I missed a few but that's okay because the key thing to remember going into game 4 is that Tom Wilson is trash (and suspended for three games.) Thanks for reading and Let's Go Pens!